Too Late In Time
by thissuperficialhypocrisy
Summary: Bella reaches Edward in NM, but it's too late. He tells himself she is his imagination and ignores her. When he steps out into the sun, he thinks he'll be killed. But Aro offers him a second chance. R&R! Working with rainbowswirl
1. Too Late In Time

**A/N; Here's how it goes: I thought of the story line, and the super-mega-foxy-awesome **_**kstewsbitch**_** Wrote out the ideas. In the end, we have created a dark, daring, across-the-line story. If you like things going wrong in someone life, then enjoy! She's an amazing writer, and you can rage all you want about how it didn't work out to the books. That's the whole point ;)**

**There is some dialogue from **_**New Moon**_**, but it was only used when needed :D**

**Disclaimer: We don't own anything Twilight related. How awesome would it be if we did?**

* * *

TOO LATE IN TIME

_Chapter 1: Too Late In Time_

**Edward's POV:**

"Edward?"

"I don't understand what you're saying, Rosalie," I stated dully, preparing myself for what was going to come. By the tone of her voice, I could tell that it wasn't something that would please me at all. And, with that known, I knew that it had to be about Bella. What could've possibly happened to my angel while I was gone? Could she have been harmed – well, she wasn't very balanced, so that wasn't a very accurate presumption. The only thing that kept me from hanging up the call was the fact that Rosalie might've known something about my Bella that I didn't.

"She's dead, Edward," Rosalie answered timidly, her voice small and seemingly weaker.

I couldn't stand to listen to more than that. As soon as each word left her mouth, separate as they escaped their hold, I hung up. My breathing was more labored than before. More than anything I just wanted to pass out and go into another world that was not quite realistic. I wanted to escape from the pain that was now engulfing me. As the dry sobs let on, I ached even more than I thought possible. It felt like the tears were inevitable, but here I was, no moisture slipping down my skin.

My head hit the floor, everything darkening in my view. There was nothing worth living for anymore. What could I try to live for if Bella was gone? She had been my life, and I'd admitted that. How could she do this to me? How could she just kill herself, if that's what she did? Didn't she care about the fact that I would miss her terribly, consider dramatics?

If she was dead, then there was no point to this life. Breathing would be pointless without her somewhere on this Earth. Bella was far away from me now. Too far away for my liking.

I stood inches from the light, my shirt whipping one way, and then the other, due to it being parted open. To say I wasn't the littlest bit afraid would be a lie, because I was. The Volturi would definitely kill me as soon as they realized what I was doing. I would be dead, gone, without even a goodbye to my family. What would Carlisle think, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie? How would Esme take the news, if anyone ever figured this out?

Of course they would figure it out. Alice was talented, like I also was, and would be able to see this happening. The next question would be, would they believe it, or would they call it one of those times when Alice's vision would change sooner or later? That would always be a possibility. They could never be sure of the truth or a lie with her visions, although they were usually correct in one way or another.

As the clock tolled once more, I put one foot in front of the other and moved myself in a mechanical-like movement. With a deep breath, which could've possibly had been my last one, I stepped into the sun, my eyes squeezed shut.

Warmth touched my chest, and there were soft shoves against me that I barely felt. Curious, I made myself look down, knowing that this was no vampire that was trying to push me away from the sunlight. Chocolate brown eyes met my own coal black ones, and as my own eyes traveled down further, I recognized the face they belonged to. But this wasn't my real Bella. She was dead, and nothing would ever bring her back to me. So I simply turned my face away, blaming the image on my imagination. It was just granting me the thing I wanted most right now, but my imagination did not realize that I wanted the real person, not just an image. I made myself feel the hot fingers touch my skin, and I was still doing it, for I felt the fake-Bella push against me uselessly.

I felt like hissing a profanity at her, but not even this Bella of my imagination deserved that treatment.

"Edward," the figment-of-my-imagination said, sounding strangled, "you've got to get back into the shadows! You have to _move_!" I sighed; this Bella was hell-bent on getting her way. If I was being honest, though, the true Bella was just as stubborn. I set my jaw, pushing the image of Bella out of my mind, trying to get rid of the ghostly figure that was in front of me, who was trying to stop me from doing what was destined to happen since Bella had passed away. She huffed; the fake-Bella was unhappy that I was going to get rid of her, that I was _winning _this battle.

"I'm not dead," she cried, finally moving her hands, waving them in swift movements around her. "And neither are you! Please, Edward, we _have _to move! They can't be far away!" I brushed past her, now just acting as if Bella wasn't even there, which had been what I had been trying to accomplish from the beginning. "Damn it, Edward, look at me." I didn't turn around to see her. I knew that if I did, I'd see a perfect recollection of the girl I loved. It would only hurt me more, considering that, as I continued farther into the harsh light, I would soon be killed by others of my own kind.

I let my eyes stay open this time. I wanted to know who killed me. I knew that it didn't really matter, but it mattered somewhat to me. Maybe it would change how I felt about this whole thing. Probably not, though. There was no specific reason as to my interest in who would be the cause of my death. It just seemed like one of those things that I wanted, or needed, to know.

They came almost immediately. I hadn't been doubting their speed to rid of my life. I saw Felix's eyes flicker once to something behind me, and I had a feeling that it had been my fake-Bella, which arose protective feelings in my chest, but that was impossible, considering that she was a part of my imagination. A part of my mind's workings. Demetri stepped towards me, and I smiled, blissfully in a way, knowing that soon the darkness should overcome me.

"Aro would like to see you," he whispered instead, one corner of his lips tugging upwards. I figured I knew why Aro wanted to see me. He want to finish me off himself. I rolled my eyes at the idea of not just being able to finish it right here, right now, but accepted the invitation to go down to see Aro once more. There were humans about – it _was _Saint Marcus Day – and maybe, if I went down there, then their eyes would be spared, and possibly their lives.

Aro was standing, a slight smile on his face, waving me forward. He just had to make all of this more difficult than it needed to be. Couldn't they just have finished me off, already? I was, oddly, impatient for death. I wanted it, and I wanted it now. And if my wish wasn't soon granted, then I wouldn't exactly be as pleasant as before.

"Can't you just kill me already?" I asked curtly.

Felix coughed, and a small, tinkling laugh left another figure. My eyes quickly darted over to the person who had shared such laughter; Jane, of course it would be Jane. Marcus stared at me, his eyes dead, no emotion behind them. His thoughts were empty, circling around nothing but knowing what he needed to do to live. Caius had his hatred centered exactly on me, and I had a feeling I knew why. I fell in love with a human, she learned the largest secret of them all, and she grew to know more and more about vampires and my family. It was no wonder that, the one who was stricter than the others, would be angry with me.

Aro sighed, walking to me now. "There is another option," he claimed, almost in a proud-manner, as if there couldn't have been a better choice for me all along.

"And what," I started, "exactly," I said the word distinctly, "would that be?"

He looked away from my face, and I had a feeling that whatever he was about to offer me would be one of my last choices. Or, perhaps I should say it _would've _been one of my last choices. I wasn't exactly sure of what I was meant to do anymore. Bella was gone, in a place where I could never be. A place that the humans called Heaven, that I and Carlisle, and the other Cullens did, too. There was a possibility that I would accept anything that he wanted to give me. There was nothing and no one that I had to do anything for.

"It's quite simply, actually," Aro said quickly, probably trying to get rid of any worries that I might have had. I bit my lip, a habit that I had picked up from Bella, as he opened his mouth to continue the sentence. He looked over at the two he considered his brothers, Caius and Marcus, and they seemed to have a silent conversation, even though that would be easier if he touched them. I snickered, trying to cover up a laugh at the thought. What was wrong with me right now?

Aro's head snapped over to me, most likely curious as to what I had been thinking. His eyes went down to my hand, and then went back up to my face. He was asking me permission without words to see what I had been thinking. I refused him, shaking my head back and forth sideways. He pursed his lips before finally continuing.

"You could join us."

I hadn't been expecting it. Or maybe I had, in a subconscious mind. I looked at the others in the room; everyone here had a dark black cape on, some of them lighter, more of a grey color, except for the three leaders. All of their crimson eyes were focused on me, pressuring me into saying yes. I took one involuntary step back while looking at them. Becoming one of the Volturi did not just mean that I took a cape and tried to keep our identity from being unknown. No, it inquired that I drank blood. Not the blood of animals, either. The blood of humans.

Could I do that?

Could I possibly, after all of these years, become the monster that I had been once before? Could I disappoint Carlisle by just letting go of all of the practice that I'd had by going back to drinking human blood? Would it matter to me once I started drinking it again? Almost immediately I remembered one time when I was hunting, and a man had been there. I had attacked him, so willingly, so freely. The blood had been delicious, warm, right from the perfect spot in his neck…

The venom filled my mouth as I thought about it, and I winced a bit at the memory, for it made my throat burn with a sudden thirst.

I appeared so different from them in many ways. Most of them were more muscular, or less muscular, than myself. Others had more powerful talents. After all, all I could do was read the minds of my enemies, alliances, almost anyone. Anyone except…Bella. My darling, my sweet, my _dead_ Bella.

There was no need to say no. I mean, really. There was no way that Bella would know of how I disgraced myself, no way that she would ever figure it out. And, if my life was gone, why couldn't I at least try to start anew? It could help me get over this whole, ridiculous problem that shouldn't have affected me. I inhaled deeply, realizing that I was being awfully introverted right at this moment, which was probably driving Aro mad. Did I really care about that, though?

I couldn't help but think that, in a way, I did.

My answer wasn't as strong as I felt, "Yes. Yes, I want to do that."

Aro's hands clapped together, a true smile overcoming his facial features. "Alright, then!" he exclaimed cheerfully, probably happier than anyone else in this room, or of what I could see. "Get a cloak," he ordered Alec, who had been standing the corner of the room, next to Jane, quiet and reserved. His teeth were noticeably bright as he smiled in that dark part of the room.

"Yes, Aro," he murmured, stealing an escape out of the room.

It made me feel about how this was my escape. My escape from the pain that Bella's death made me feel. The pain that was all that I would know for a while. This was supposed to help me get away from those feelings.

And so when Alec returned with one of the darkest cloaks, I didn't regret my answer. I clothed myself in the cloak, smiling a bit to myself. I gave a brief nod to the other vampires in the room, before making my leave into other places. There was no exact destination for me at this moment. Already I felt bloodthirsty; already I knew that I was a darker shade of myself.

**Bella's POV:**

I just couldn't make sense of what happened in Volterra with Edward as I sat on the plane, going back to Forks with Alice. We – I mean, I – had failed. But I couldn't help but blame it on him just a little bit. Why had he ignored me? Edward had looked straight down at me, felt my hands against his chest. He just acted like I wasn't even there after that brief time where we looked into each other's eyes. I had been positive that he'd realize I was not dead, not at all, but instead he treated me like I was just a part of his thoughts. A spirit, something like that.

I saw two vampires come and go, and when they left they did not leave alone. Edward accompanied them, and that's when I had started crying. I knew what was going to happen. They were going to kill him. They were going to murder him.

When Edward was walking, he just went by Alice, who was coming to help me save him, leaving her and myself dumbstruck. I'd tried running after him, but Alice's grip on me was too strong. By the way I was pulling, I could tell that bruises were going to form on my arms, my chest, everywhere that my body hit her rock hard one when trying to escape to save the person I still loved. Watching him walk off, nonchalantly in a way, smug in another, hurt me all over again. It was like he was abandoning me in the forest once more.

I felt more tears rolling down my face at the memory that happened not so long ago. Alice sounded like she was trying to suppress her dry sobbing, but she pulled me over to her anyway, giving me a hug, trying to calm me down. By now I was in hysterics. I wanted Edward to be the one holding me right now, comforting me, telling me everything would be okay. I wanted it to be his voice that was whispering in my ear, his skin that I was touching right now. But, more than anything, I just wanted to know that he was still alive.

But I knew that there was no possible way that he was still living.

That fact just made me hurt even more.

"Bella," Alice mumbled, "pull yourself together, please. I know, I know, you miss him…I do, too. I should've went with you – to hell with the consequences. But we can't take back what happened. I had a feeling that he's fine…Everything will be alright, honey, just calm down…Shh…" It was annoying me a bit that she was trying to make me sober up. I deserved to be crying my heart out right now. My whole life was gone. Yeah, sure, she had a feeling that he was alive, but her visions were subjective. I also had a feeling. And my feeling was that Edward was not alive, not in any way or form.

I settled myself back down in my seat, letting my head fall down into my hands as I tried to collect myself. I sniffled before starting to hiccup repeatedly, unstoppably. Alice patted my back gently, probably trying to help me. I didn't tell her that it made me hurt even more each time her cold fingers touched the fabric of my shirt. I wanted those to be Edward's fingers, rubbing a calming circle on my back. I knew that, in reality, this dream of mine would never happen again. "It's not your fault, Alice," I coughed, knowing that this was the truth. I should've tried harder. I should've hit him; I should've fought her more; I should've followed Edward to where he had gone without being stopped. "It's mine. Edward is dead, gone. It's all my fault. I don't…Alice, how could he just act like I wasn't there? How could he just pretend that I was something in the wind, like dust? Why couldn't he see me like he should've? He should've told me that everything was alright! He should've come back with me!" My voice was heading towards a scream. I clamped my mouth shut, starting to cry relentlessly again.

Alice had nothing to say.

I kept my mouth shut. I would go back home and try to be normal for Charlie. I would try to gain forgiveness from Jacob and be his friend again. Life would go on.

Life would go on. Without Edward. Without love.

* * *

**So how was the first chapter? Care to review? If you do, we will love you even more. (Yes, that is a good thing :D)**


	2. Journal

_Chapter 2: Journal_

**Bella's POV:**

_Two Months Later_

I quietly tapped Alice's door, pursing my lips at the silence. I squinted my eyes before opening the door a notch. As it opened, a drawn out creaking sound could be heard. It hurt my ears a little, but really, the sharp pain in my ears was nothing in comparison to other things that had happened to me. The door seemed to protest with a moan as I leaned on it, looking into the room. Alice wasn't there.

I sighed in frustration.

Something had been wrong with Alice. She was trying to keep her usual self alive. The normal bubbly, jumpy pixie we all knew. But everyone knew the truth.

Alice was trying to keep the act on for Jasper; that much was painfully obvious. But every day, every hour, every minute, her façade would accidentally slip, and her face would crumple in pain. This month had been her worst yet. Someone would have to talk to her soon, maybe talk some sense into her.

Just like Jacob had to do for me, more than once, more times than I deserved. He had always been there for me. When Ed- I mean, _he _had left me. He was the one who attempted to repair me, even though I was a hopeless case. Once glass shatters, it's a hopeless matter. If you compared the broken glass and me, then you'd find a lot of similarities, unfortunately. And I had no reason but to admit it.

Jacob had also been there for me when I returned from Volterra. To say that he didn't look happy when he realized that Edward wasn't back in Forks was a lie. You could tell, by his facial expressions, that he was completely at bliss with letting Edward's life go on, if it could. He didn't know the other half of the story. Jacob didn't know that he'd completely walked past me, straight to his death. I couldn't tell Jacob when I was giving him the information from the trip. It would only make him think lesser of Edward.

But didn't he deserve to think lesser of him? Didn't I?

I did. I just couldn't.

Words ran through my head. During the time when they were spoken, I couldn't believe them to be true. I couldn't understand how he could've ever wanted me, especially as much as I wanted him. I should've known that they had no truth behind them. I should've understood that they were just words written on a blank page so there was something there.

"_You are my life now."_

"_I love you. It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true."_

"_I will stay with you – isn't that enough?"_

I almost laughed, and if I had, then it wouldn't have been out of amusement. It would've been due to the fact that those words were more of a lie than anything else he'd said to me. Those had been the things that I should've never believed. He'd _stay _with _me. _How unlikely.

I shook my head, my eyes clenching automatically and two fingers appearing at the bridge of my nose.

This reaction was automatic; I couldn't help the sensation that pulsed through me when I remembered those days, those words. They still affect me and, like Alice, my façade has slowly started to be eaten away by memories that have been carved into my heart. Permanently.

They will, and cannot, ever leave. In any and every life, I will always hold them with me.

I slowly walked over to their bed and sunk down into it. Automatically, my head fell and my body doubled over, my legs and arms beginning to shake violently.

And the sobs took over me completely.

As much as Jacob tried to stop me, it usually made them worse when I wasn't around him. I feared that the only person that would be able to 'cure' me was Edward himself. Not just memories or the hallucinations that I conjured up for myself, but Edward in the most literal form he could be. I needed to feel his cool fingers on my blushing skin, his lips on my throat or anywhere else. All I needed was him, and that was the one person I wouldn't get, no matter what I did.

I raised my head partially, taking deep breaths as a calming motion. This was supposed to work, but nothing was going to at the moment. Nothing would ever help if I didn't just learn to get over the fact that he was gone and out of my life forever. I had to achieve that status. If I didn't, my life would be an empty, bottomless hole that was filled with sorrow. No matter what it took, I would have to rid my life of him.

My head fell into my hands, a pitiful groan escaping my mouth. Would I ever truly get over him? I really didn't think so. It had been two months since I saw him last, being brought to the place that would assure the ending of his existence that both of us had been lead to believe would be forever, and yet, I'm still here, being torched alive by the mere thought of my 'soul mate'.

I twisted my head to the side, trying to rid my head of all thoughts that were bouncing around, going from one subject of thought to another, and that's when I saw a journal. The handwriting on the cover was familiar. It was kind-of messy, but it was neater than my own. In a way, the handwriting had an elegant twist to it; on the front cover, there were two printed words: 'Alice's journal.'

Suddenly, there was an idea planted in my head, and without realizing it, I grabbed the journal with new-found greed. I started to tear through the pages, skimming over everything that wasn't relevant to her mood in the past two months. And, considering how lovely her life had probably been, there was a lot for me to skip over. A lot of her entries dealt with Jasper, how she loved him so. Then there was some about my arrival in Forks; Edward's lust for my blood; how Alice and I became friends. I felt as if I was a special feature in this journal…in this diary.

If there was something that she was hiding from someone – from Jasper, from me, from everyone and anyone – then it would have to be in here. I know how private a diary can be, and therefore, most of her thoughts ought to be recorded in this book here. I hadn't really given it much thought as I read some sentences in particular before skipping over the page, but if Alice knew what I was doing then she would probably be angry with me.

But I needed answers, damn it, and if she refused to give them to me, then this journal would be my last chance.

I flipped to the next journal entry, which was dated for two days ago, and read:

_I don't understand anything anymore. Everything is so much more confusing since Edward left. I don't know what to believe – what's fact, what's fiction? Can I trust Bella with the truth of my visions? Or should I just continue to keep the images to myself? I think, in a way, that keeping everything to myself would be best. Even though Edward abandoned us, Bella and the family, everyone who cared for him, I think he deserves to keep his life to himself, even if that is not quite possible with me around._

_I'm scared by my visions, though. I always see him in the same way; his eyes are glowing crimson red, a clear sign of him drinking human blood instead of the preferred diet he had been following previously. He wears a pitch black cape, one of those that are similar to the Volturi's. I'm afraid that he has become one of them. I just know for sure that he hasn't died. But surely, joining the Volturi is a worst choice than anything. I would rather choose death before joining their clan._

_I can't stop thinking that joining the Volturi was Edward's choice, though. For some reason, I am made to believe that Aro requested it of him, and that Edward gave in. That he said, 'yes' to joining the group, who we had worked so long to differ from. We had always tried to do good, not feed off of humans. And if Edward joined them, then he just completely threw all of that away. He didn't think about the consequences or what would happen in the future. He'd acted on an entrant thought. _

_I know he's hunting humans now, too. I've seen it. In one of my visions, Edward was draining a human. Her face was still frozen in fear as he, slowly, drained the life out of her. So much effort had been put into that one kill. And I think he did it for me. I think he knew that, eventually, I was going to see this happen. Somehow he has turned the opposite of himself. He enjoys watching others suffer, enjoys inflicting pain on those who do not deserve it._

_Edward is alive, but I can't believe that he is in the true sense. He's living and breathing, but as long as he acts like some fool on the run, I cannot truly think that he is the Edward I let into my heart and let become my brother. And, most of all, I cannot believe that it is him until he returns home – comes back to Forks – and apologizes. Not to us; the Cullens don't require an apology. Bella needs one, though. She deserves one._

_Without him, what does she have?_

_Without him, what does anyone have?_

And then there were vague sentences written down that were impossible to read, surrounding the border of the page. I figured, because of the quotation marks, that Alice had been quoting someone, or something. I thought something had looked like, _"Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die." _There was also another sentence that appeared to say, _"Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty."_

I flipped to the next page, searching for any more information that I could be given.

_I've seen Bella killing herself, with poison. She just had to love Romeo and Juliet – and, she's not going to pull a Juliet and stab herself in the chest. Instead, she, in my vision, intends to pull a Romeo. She quotes him before she tries, subtly, to kill herself. Soon after, I see Edward returning. I don't know his reasoning. I just know that he comes back to our home – and finds her dead, in his room. _

_He then proceeds to quote Romeo as well._

_And then the vision stops there._

…_I'm scared._

I held my breath; I wasn't going to kill myself. I had always known, in the beginning, that suicide just wasn't the answer. If I wasn't suicidal when Edward left me the first time, then what would be different now? I still had my Jacob, and this time, I had the Cullens, for they thought there was no point in staying away from Forks now. Edward was gone – they all believed this. By the way Alice had been acting, I'd thought that she'd finally been agreeing with us, but that hadn't been the reason for her moods. No; she had seen her visions, and was counting on them to be the absolute truth.

But I wasn't going to kill myself! I have Charlie and Renee to worry about, and then I wouldn't want to hurt Jacob or the Cullens. Killing myself was an impossibility.

…Was it, really?

Could I seriously never kill myself?

No. I couldn't. I had too much responsibility, too much on my own hands.

I set the journal back on the floor, disgusted with myself for diving into Alice's private mind. Of course, I deserved to, since no one would ever tell me any bloody thing, but it was still wrong. I should've at least gotten permission first. But I already knew that she wouldn't have _granted _me permission to read her journal. I sighed; the door closed behind me, my eyes closing of their own accord. I breathed in slowly and deeply, trying not to let the tears fall down once more. I didn't need to cry right now.

Yeah, I wasn't dealing with the fact that he could be a part of the Volturi (who I had been told about, more so after the Cullens returned) very well, but if your boyf – I mean, ex-boyfriend – I winced as I had that thought – suddenly turned to the "dark" and "evil" side then you wouldn't be one of the happiest people, either.

Sure, it hurt to know that Edward could possibly come back.

And that I would be dead.

I need to see Jacob. Now. My sun was the only thing that could help me right now.

* * *

**A/N: Hey all! This is the second chapter! Hope you enjoy! And even if you did, click the lil' REVIEW button below. You know you want too ;)**


	3. Sweet Escape

_Chapter 3: Sweet Escape_

**Bella's POV:**

I'd like to think that I'm happy.

But in doing so, I'm lying to myself. I'm lying to everyone around me. Do they deserve that? The lies I tell myself in order to push away the world? I don't believe so, but who's to stop me? It's not as if anyone has attempted to stop me before. Why would now be any different? That's my only question, now that everything is gone except for one person. Why would people suddenly begin to care _now_? Because they feel sorry for me?

I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me. I feel sorry enough for myself.

Most people would assume, if they knew my world, that I would have to talk with Alice right after I read her journal. Usually, those people would be correct. But ever since I came back and talked to Jacob about the so-called "misunderstanding", he offered me a different option. It was painful; not physically, but emotionally for me. It wasn't the type of person that I was. I would've asked Alice a thousand times already to turn me into a vampire, if it wasn't for Jake's alternative.

It wasn't healthy, but it was my way to lift away the stress. Drink a little, smoke a little. I got to smile at those times, was able to rock back and forth to the music that echoed in his garage. And despite the fact that we usually had these "meetings" when I was feeling down, I was always happy when we had them. Perhaps it was due to the fact that Jacob was still my sun. Once you have a sun, I suppose you can never truly get rid of it.

The only way to get rid of some of the aches in my chest was to visit Jacob. He basically made it all melt away so I could see it, puddles around me. But he isn't the only thing that makes me feel better. It is Jacob, and all of the things he has. All of the alcohol, the cigarettes – everything that Billy would allow his son to have that Charlie wouldn't let his daughter have, even if she _was_ the proper age to buy tobacco products.

So you could say that going to see Jacob was more than just a relief of my clouded feelings. It was also an escape. And Charlie liked Jake, thought he was a good kid, didn't think we would ever do anything "wrong", so I was "allowed" to sleep over at Jake's house. How my father ruled my life was beyond me, considering I was of age. But I always supposed that to my dad, I would always be his little girl. Wasn't that what it was like with most fathers? They were never really willing to give up.

Jacob knew how to make me feel better. Never did he fail at the task. It appeared to be simply impossible for him to do so. And he did a better job than Alice, or any of the other Cullens – even Edward – has ever done. There could only ever be one sun in my life, and that was him. He could brighten even the darkest of souls, on the brink of suicide – which was what I had almost been on. I knew that I was responsible for Charlie and Renee, and that "committing suicide" was the thing that made Edward leave me a second time in the first place, but at the moment, I hadn't really cared. I might've told myself that there was no possible way I'd kill myself, but I lied. Being with Jacob once again after returning to Forks was the single thing that changed my mind.

**Jacob's POV:**

I never knew what it felt like to be in love. I always pictured it happy and flawless. I had never imagined that it could be so dark and painful. It could be as I had seen it, or the exact opposite. It all depended, they told me later on, when I was "mature enough to handle it" – a quote, I swear. But love is…well, love's a bitch. It hurts. Bella and Edward demonstrated that to me. They had slowly pulled apart until finally, they just ripped. The end.

And Bella showed me that. By denying me. By making her only liking me as a friend so foggy, and then so damn clear.

I've waited for her for so long. I've been able to wait for her to love me back, for her to show any feelings toward me that went beyond our obvious friendship, but she never has said much. If you want to know what she thinks of you, you have to read her. Read her expressions, her eyes, her posture, body language. I knew a lot about Bella, even if she didn't know it. If her arms were crossed, she was guarded. If her head was tilted, you had her full attention. All of that, the non-verbal words, is how I know what she's thinking. And nothing that I've seen tells me that she feels the same way I do.

Or had I been reading the signs incorrectly?

Am I just so fooled into thinking that Bella has no feelings whatsoever for me that I ignore the signs, when they say that she does? Or am I just over-thinking this, a definite possibility?

I closed my eyes and pursed my lips. _Stop thinking about it, _I thought. _She should be coming soon. _Just to be sure, I glanced quickly at the watch fastened around my right wrist. The rain was pounding down on me, but I hardly noticed or cared. There is a certain point where you simply do not care about how you look. And besides, it wouldn't be that hard to dry off after she arrived. Just a towel, maybe different clothes. It's not rocket science.

And now I'm mind-rambling. _Perfect_.

But luckily, the sound of Bella's truck was enough to pull me out of my reverie. Unintentionally, my lips pulled apart into a wide smile, the kind that allowed your teeth to show. I walked to her as she slammed the door shut, and then turned to me with a slight grin. She was quickly getting soaked, with a bag in her left hand and her right outstretched to me. I took it hastily, and it was apparent that it warmed her hand.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey," I replied. Though we were close friends, the conversation was sometimes awkward and short. Sometimes, it was as if words escaped us. It was fine with me. I enjoyed watching her stumble and then blush, but what I didn't enjoy was my musings. _They _were often annoying. "I think we ought to take your things inside," I added, "and you, since you're getting wet from the rain."

"It always rains," she answered dismissively, but nodded nonetheless.

We brought her things inside and placed them in my room. She changed into one of my shirts – while I waited in the hallway, of course – because her own was drenched through, and Bella had only brought one other, which was for tomorrow. When she left the room, I also got changed into something drier. Bella was … _distant_, today, I thought. It wasn't unusual, it was just … I don't know. It hurt, I guess, knowing that even I couldn't pull her back down to earth.

It would be a while until we started in the garage, so for now we were just sitting in the living room watching some mindless television show. I had no idea what it was, but that might be due to the fact that I was barely paying attention to it. I was playing with strands of Bella's hair absentmindedly, staring at small cracks in the floor. She was leaning into my side, her head resting on my shoulder. It was comfortable, natural. At least, that's how it felt to me.

I don't read minds like _him_.

"How's Charlie?" I asked quietly.

"He's okay, I guess. We don't talk a lot. I think he's offended by my being silent most of the time, or being over at the Cullens when Edward was, to quote, 'such a jerk' to me." Bella laughed softly, and then sighed. "He just doesn't understand what they're like. He's never actually gotten to know them kind-of personally like me. It makes a difference." I don't really think that it would make that much of a difference for me. "Whatever. How's Billy? Where is he, anyway?"

"Billy's…great," I answered flatly. "Like you and Charlie, we don't talk much. He's a good father, he is, but we're just…not talking, really, between him leaving and going places I don't know where, and me being a wolf all of the time. Yeah, and I don't know, which I sort-of said already." Bella stood up suddenly, and then turned to smile at me. "What?" I questioned.

"I have something for you. I just remembered," she said hurriedly, and then ran off to, I figured, my bedroom. I didn't follow her. I'd just wait for her to return with whatever she wanted to give to me. But I was curious; what could _Bella_ possibly want to give _me_? It wasn't as if we exchanged gifts often, not even on birthdays, so what was with the random gift?

Does it really matter?

"It's not much," she admitted. "I thought it would be nice, though." When she sat down next to me, I noticed that she held in between two fingers a silver ring hanging by a chain. The corners of her lips were turned up as she held it out to me. "It's a friendship ring. I wasn't sure if it would fit, so I just put it onto a chain." Her cheeks were slightly colored pink. I grabbed the ring and toyed with it, before putting it around my neck.

"I love it," I claimed, ruffling her hair. Bella huffed, causing me to chuckle. "It's perfect." After that, I watched the clock as she put her attention on the TV screen once more. I held her in my arms, and I was happy that she didn't protest. It was as if we morphed into one, considering how we fit together. It felt _right_, as if I should've been holding her like this since the day we met. And, in my mind, I was destined to be holding her like this.

_Right._

It was starting to get dark out, and right on cue, Bella inquired, "Can we go out to the garage now?" I nodded, and took the chance to hold her hand. On the way there, I let her talk about whatever she wanted. It was mostly on her trip to Italy with Alice, how Edward pretended as if she wasn't even there. I felt my muscles tense, but she rubbed my arm with her free hand, causing me to calm down. When we reached the building, she sighed and said, "I know you must hate hearing about all of this."

"It's fine," I lied.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Okay…Jake, I want to tell you the reason why I wanted to do all of…_this_, tonight specifically." I set up the chairs that I'd gotten for out here and motioned for her to begin. "You're not going to like hearing about it," she warned, but I ignored here and took my seat. "I read Alice's journal back at the Cullens'. I was curious, and I have a right to know. No one's telling me anything. So, apparently, she keeps seeing Ed—_his_—" I didn't have to question why she couldn't say his name "—eyes red, and wearing a black cloak. You don't know about the Volturi, but basically, they're a dangerous, powerful family in Italy. Anyway, she thinks that he chose to become one of them. And he, in one of her visions, is drinking the blood of a h-hu-hum—"

"Human," I cut her off, my voice a deadpan.

"Yes," Bella whispered. "She also sees me…killing…myself."

I froze for a minute, and then closed my eyes tightly. "You shouldn't have told me this," I said. "But I suppose I know why you did. Is there any possible way that we can just forget about all of that for now? I know it's the reason for why you came…but you're right. I didn't like hearing about it. And so I want to forget it. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Great."

I turned on a portable radio that I'd bought who-knows-when and we started with the drinking. I never knew why Bella liked doing this; she had never seemed the type. She had always come off as the good girl, stay-home-and-do-homework kind-of person. Even when she met Edward, went obsessive over him, she was still that way. But then again, with him around, I started to see her less and less, when I was already not seeing her enough. Now I'm seeing her a lot – but it's all because of him. That bastard who left her.

At one point, we tried dancing to the music with each other, but ended up falling down. We'd laugh and then get back up and sit in our chairs. Every time she stood up, Bella would wobble, and then she'd fall back down into her chair, giggling manically. It was fun and carefree; the problems outside of this garage did not bother us. We did not care about anything else but our own happiness, because that was all that mattered.

Her happiness was all that mattered.

When a slow song came on, we attempted it again, and ended tripping over each other. I hit the garage floor, hurting my back in the process. And then Bella landed right on top of me. She smiled at me drunkenly, and then burst into quiet titters. Her head fell onto my shoulder, and her hand found mine. I was timid; we were drunk and, therefore, inclined to do foolish things. Things that, in the future, we would regret. And even though I knew this, it didn't stop me from returning the kiss when finally staring into each other's eyes wasn't enough for Bella, and her lips crashed onto mine.

It wasn't romantic or sweet, but hungry and aggressive. Our hands disconnected, hers going to knot in the hair of mine that had grown back, and my own traveling to her waist. Using the hair gripped in her fists, she pushed my head impossibly closer to hers. My tongue slipped over her bottom lip, and in response Bella's mouth opened. Tentatively, she put her tongue in my mouth, which immediately sparked a battle for dominance.

Eventually, she gave in and let me have control. But, as soon as that happened, she let go of my hair. I thought that perhaps I'd gone too far. Her hands, though, had found something else to grab, and that was the edge of my shirt. I pulled away from her lips and stared warily at her. Bella smirked playfully at me and then slowly, but surely, started to pull my shirt up. I lifted my back off of the ground a bit to help her accomplish the task. When she was finished, she placed it gently on the floor.

This was a place where we hadn't been before. She knew that, and I knew that. Maybe she'd seen me without a shirt before, but it hadn't been this intimate. Hesitantly, it seemed, she placed a hand on my chest. I felt her cold skin against my own, and it sent shivers down my spine. Bella didn't move it at all; she just left it there, as if trying to show the clear difference between or skin colors.

The next time we kissed, it was calmer. It wasn't as greedy as the previous one, no longer a fight that we had to win. It was…nice. And though it wasn't as, uh, interesting, for lack of a better word, I liked it. It was all I'd ever needed, and all I'd ever wanted, from Bella.

The rest of our clothes were removed, and I could tell that once she was undressed, that Bella was blushing. My beautiful Bella. I took her face in between my hands and placed my lips on hers. She wrapped her arms around my neck. This wasn't usual. We never went this far. When she came over, we never even kissed. It was only hand-holding. It made me wonder, _what made tonight so different_? Was this her new way of dealing with the pain?

_Is she using me?_

My ears were ringing, and not due to the nervous feeling in my stomach. It was due to the fact that her using me was certainly a possibility. I could be a temporary replacement for her. I could be a toy that she's playing with, trying to make herself feel better about everything. Why else would all of this move by so quickly? Didn't she tell me about what she'd read in that journal? That meant she was thinking of him.

She was thinking of him.

For all I knew, she deluded herself into thinking that I was him.

And now I'm disgusted with myself. With her. With being so goddamn usable and so willing to be used. I just want to be loved. But I can't even figure out whether I'm loved or not. Billy doesn't show it, since he's never around; Bella might as well start believing I'm the guy she truly loves; Rachel was so wrapped up in her world with Paul; Rebecca was in a different state; Mom was dead. Who was there to love me, when I felt as if no one did?

There was no one. Because I wanted to be loved so much, that life laughed in my face.

The invisible pressure was pushing in at me from all sides so roughly that I felt strangled, at a loss for breath. I tried to breathe in, but I couldn't find my air. Bella took my air when she tore out my heart. I loved her. Did she love me? Or was I, as I suspected, just her toy? And though I wanted her to have feelings for me, that the friendship ring was a sign, I knew it wasn't possible. This wasn't anything to her, while it was everything to me.

Though she'd stomped on my heart, it didn't stop me from sleeping with her.

I loved her.

I _love _her.

Past and present.

And I don't think that will ever change, sadly.

* * *

**A/N: There you go. ;)**

**Sorry about the wait for this chapter, guys. Fruit had a hard time trying to write Jacob's point of view. This was her first time writing from his side of the story, so we hope you like it. There might be more from him in the future, but not exactly sure yet.**

**She also had a small case of writer's block. Heheh. came over that, though, obviously. We spent forever trying to work it out, LOL.**

**So the next one is a Rosalie one. Uh oh. Get out the claws, there's gonna be some serious bitching goin' on! One thing Fruit can write is Fights. So I'm totally looking forward to reading this one!**

**Oh, yea, I HATE LEMONS. LOATHE THEM. It annoys me when a good fanfic adds them in. So I made sure that there were none. If you disagree with me and you love them, then maybe give her a PM saying you want a one shot or something. She might do it if enough people say!**

**We love you guys. Even more if you review. Js. (:**

**(BTW, We don't know excatly when the next one will arrive. Just wait some time! We'll get it done anyway :D)**


End file.
